omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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