Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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