you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize