Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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