I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
