You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
