Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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