So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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