I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
