I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
