they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're using joints as your birthday candles
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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