I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
