she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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