it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize