anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
