yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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