He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
