Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
