i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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