He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
