Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize