I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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