I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
