My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
