Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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