I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
