He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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