She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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