boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
