Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

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(716): View more from New York

i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.

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(330): View more from Ohio

giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

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(415): View more from California

i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.

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(513): View more from Ohio

He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby

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