she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
