Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
