I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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