i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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