we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
