the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
