i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
