Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize