I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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