stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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