I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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