We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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