you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
