meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I cut my penus on the lid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
