I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
