I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
