I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize