Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Buhtt sex?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i've created a new STD.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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