so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
