I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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