1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
