i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
