put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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