I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
