he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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