so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
