We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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