I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize