I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you win again, gameday.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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