Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
