fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
