if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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