Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
