I cannot find my penis.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
