babies were throwing up all over the place
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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