she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
