McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
