how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
