Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize