Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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