Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
