It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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