if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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