Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
