I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
