how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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