bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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