Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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