My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
