there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
