The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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