you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
