That's when you crack a 10am beer
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
