hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
