True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
