guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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