It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
