If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
