May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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