I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
